Birth Story

Wow. What am I, like 4 days late in posting this. Yikes. I am going to pull the 3 kid card right about now. (definitely won't be the last time I use that one). Time flies! I can't seem to pry myself away from little gretta. She is a doll! So glad my mom is here to hold down the fort, so I can just cuddle all day long.

Let's see...Let me start off with a disclaimer that this is a birth story. I will try to not go into too much detail and hopefully my pics are G rated enough for you all. This blog has become my journal, and I just know I won't write everything down unless it is on here. I apologize ahead of time for the weak of stomach...

Wednesday: 12/2/2009

I woke up at 4 in the morning feeling pretty achy. I couldn't get back to sleep, so I got up and wandered the house. I felt a little funny and somewhat wondered if "today was the day". Seeming how I had had 21 of those "days" in the last three weeks, I refused to let my mind go there too much. Just figured it was another sleepless night.

8:00am: Started to notice that I was contracting.

10:00am: These are pretty regular. Timed a few. 4-5 minutes apart.

11:00am: Crap! Started hitting the floor during every contraction. Kids glued to the tv. Not sure if I should call anyone, because I am tired of being the girl who cried "It's time!" 

11:01am: Called my Doula, Amy. (haha. couldn't wait) She agreed that it was probably labor and to call her when I needed her.

11:30am: Called Shawn to come home when he could and sent the kids to the neighbors. (love you kara!)

12:30pm: got in the bathtub to labor. Shawn and Amy showed up. I was feeling great. LOVED the tub. Amy poured hot water on my back during every contraction. That took the edge off. I was feeling great and could talk and joke during each rest period. Contractions were about 2 - 3 minutes apart. Shawn wasn't quite sure what to do. He ran around getting things ready and was at my beck and call. He made me a ham/cream cheese/cranberry sandwhich that tasted sooo good. I loved watching him and his excitement.

2:00pm: Got out of the tub. Couldn't decide if I should go to the hospital or not. Labored on the bed and on the chair for a while. Shawn and Amy pushed on my back and hips hard during each contraction. All my pain seemed to be in my back and it was intense.

4:00pm: loaded in the car and headed to the hospital. 35 minutes of awesomeness. I had to focus on the mountains during each contraction. Weird, but if something blocked them, it seemed like my pain was unbearable. Started realizing that I was making noises during each contraction. Dang it! I wanted to be one of those quite peaceful labor girls. Kind of sounded like a dying cow. Shawn assures me that I was darling throughout. haha.

5:00pm: Settled into L&D room. Nurse checked me. Dilated to a 7 and 90% effaced. Wahoo!! 

5:30pm: Midwife, Linsday Breinholt showed up. Isn't she gorgeous!? I was feeling fabulous next to her. 
6:00pm: Back in the tub. Loved it! Contractions were getting really intense. Definitely feeling crazy pain in my back. Started dying of heat, but I was too scared to feel what contractions felt like out of tub. I stayed in as long as I could.

7:00pm: Lindsay did an exam. Dilated to an 8, baby was posterior, broke my water. Lindsay didn't want me in the bath anymore. I had to try to change the position of the baby. Pain got unreal. Lindsay and Amy pressed on my back with their fists during each contraction. They would try to show Shawn what to do, but for some reason I did not want him to touch me. I kept apologizing, because I didn't want him to feel bad. For some reason, I only wanted women to touch me. I wanted Shawn to just sit back and think I was amazing. :) So grateful he was just fine doing that. 

7:30pm: Felt like I could lose control at any minute. I refused to let myself say anything negative out loud, though I doubted I could handle it much longer. Contractions were right on top of each other. I tried my hardest to relax and surrender to what my body was doing. I kept telling myself that I was strong and that I could do this. Thought about my grandpa and lexi a lot. Not sure why, but these two seemed to give me so much strength. Shawn was right by my side telling me I was amazing every second. Loved hearing him.

7:55pm: Begged midwife to let me get back in the tub. I was dying! Got in, had one contraction, and felt like I needed to push. Lindsay checked me and I was dilated to a 10. I told her I wanted to deliver right where I was. Haha! She was not having that. I just loved that bath tub too much. Somehow made my way to the bed for the next phase.

Pushing was insane!!! I have heard some women actually like this part. Holy crapiola! I went to another place. There was something very primal about it. I felt connected to every mother in nature (weird I know, but I don't know how else to describe it). The spirit was so strong as our little baby entered into the world. I literally felt like I was passing through the shadow of death and then instantly there was no more pain.
8:14pm: Little Gretta. I just kept repeating "I love her!" over and over again. I did it! Shawn cried and I fell in love with him for the bazillionth time. Heaven was very near. I have never felt so much joy. It was an amazing experience.
Honestly! What baby comes out looking this beautiful!!?? Complete perfection. Love her!!

8:19pm: I started to hemorrhage (happened to me 6 hours after Roscoe's birth as well). This is where things took a turn down hill. For the next 2 hours, I experienced more pain than I ever thought possible. Really, labor was nothing compared to the medical team pushing, prodding, and clamping trying to get my bleeding to stop. I started to feel panicky listening to them talk about the possibility of a hysterectomy. Shawn gave me a blessing amongst all the chaos and my bleeding finally stopped. Very emotional. 

(side note: I am now a high risk post-partum patient. Apparently, they think I might always bleed afterwards. Luckily there is a medication that they can inject directly into the uterus (sounds awesome) that can help in the future.)

Finally able to just hold and enjoy my sweet baby. Kind of funny that I labored naturally and afterwards ended up with an IV and loaded on Fentanyl. (btw anyone know where I can get me some more of that blessed stuff??) 

(seriously).

I am so mad that I did not get a picture of my Doula, Amy, throughout the birth process. She was taking pictures the whole time and never thought to take one of herself. dang her. I truly don't know how I would have made it without her. She amazingly guided me through every step of the way. She knew exactly what to do during each stage, always said the right thing, and encouraged me until I felt like I could do anything. Most of all, she understood. She held my hand while I hemorrhaged and wept with me afterwards. I felt crushed that this beautiful birth was followed by so much trauma, and I knew that she understood. I will forever be grateful that I had her there with me. Love you Amy. 
That night, I felt overwhelmed by the whole experience. I didn't want to talk about the birth at all. I was having a hard time separating the two events. One was beautiful beyond belief and the other was horrible. I am so grateful Shawn was with me. Early that morning Shawn and I rehashed the events. I loved hearing his perspective. He was in awe with me and the whole process. It was so good to hear how much he loved it. He kept telling me how thin the veil was and how beautifully I did. After a while, I started to remember all the greatness.

My feelings now: I loved it. Of course, I could do without the pain, but it was just a small (or huge) part of the whole experience. I loved feeling my body do exactly what it was made to do. It was powerful and extremely humbling at the same time. For a few moments I felt closer to Heaven than I ever knew possible. I am definitely not encouraging everyone to go try it out, nor do I think you're missing out or copping out by getting medication. Birth is a miracle regardless. Just for me, I was changed this time around, and I can't help but think it had a lot to do with truly feeling everything. The joy was that much stronger, because I felt the contrasting despair. Will I do it again?? Um...give me a year or two to think about it. Ha. A little scared just thinking about it. I'll tell you one thing though, I am loving how Shawn looks at me now. He really thinks I am some sort of super human. That man is proud, and I love hearing it. It all worked out pretty darn well, and this little Gretta girl is amazing! Must go cuddle some more now. xoxo.